Well it has been almost a week since my dosage of Latuda (which I posted again down below) was cut down to 40 mg and I feel fine. Perhaps I am a little more antisocial or maybe I am just choosy with who I hang out with. My rules are: no drama, no drama, no drama. If there is drama I avoid people at all costs.
Knowing that some of the delusions may come back cause me to constantly doing reality checks. That is not normal but I really am the best one to assess my condition. I have a rare form of Schizophrena in that I diagnosed myself and am able to recognize when things aren’t quite right. My psychiatrist agrees with this so I am not just being delusional.
This is how my reality checks go:
As I perceive the world around me I think, am I putting meaning to things outside of me. One example is that when I was actively delusional, I thought the gas prices had to do with how well I was doing. If they were high, I thought it meant that I was needing help. If they were low I thought I was doing better. The weird thing one day was that when I was hospitalized gas prices were at their all time high (at least back then) and then the day I got out of the hospital they had dropped back down below their previous level. Things like this don’t help me when they happen. I even had my psychiatrist thinking. But now I see the impossibility of it, now that I am not delusional. So as I look at the world I think am I beginning to feel like things are directly affecting that don’t have anything to do with me, like an accident or something like the war.
That is one way I decide. Another way is by my social interactions. Are they awkward and I am struggling to find the right words to say? Am I on topic or just talking in a way that doesn’t make much sense? I also gage it by how I feel about reaching out to others and to make sure I am not delusional currently I am keeping up my social engagements with immediate family but I must be honest I don’t really feel much like seeing people outside my immediate family right now so I have to watch this one.
Another way I do a reality check is by deciding if my thoughts are not my own. Do I feel like something or someone else is providing my thoughts for me, sending me messages or inserting thoughts? Right now I feel like all my thoughts are my own, but this is one area that can really creep up on me so I will be watchful.
With all that being written, I do not believe I am delusional right now….
I’ll keep this blog up to date as things progress.
- Stopping Latuda (mypersonalrecoveryfromschizophrenia.wordpress.com)