It finally happened today! I didn’t work due to feeling off balanced mentally. This is the first time it has happened since I started working part-time. I didn’t call in sick though instead I just switched my days and am working on Friday. I just wasn’t “feeling it” is the best way to describe it. I tried to go to an AA meeting but half way through I knew I couldn’t share and wasn’t getting much out of it anyway so I excused myself saying I wasn’t feeling well. I am home now in comfy clothes and going to go on an errand with my daughter in a little bit so we will see how that goes.
My daughter is my greatest family support and she is leaving in July or August to go to school in Colorado. We usually hang out on Wednesdays but it is bittersweet for me because I know she will be leaving soon and I just can’t think what I will do without her. She understands me better than anyone in my family and is just an awesome daughter many times over. But I refuse to hold her back from her dream of moving out of our small town and seeing the world.
On one of our walks recently she told me something that I really hope comes true that once she is done with college out of state she wants to live on the Central Coast so that her children can see me a lot and be near their grandmother (that’s me!). It made my day because she has never said that before and I so much do want to be a part of her life and any children she may have.
Here is to a better day tomorrow!
Today I spoke to a reader who is struggling with a loved one with Schizoaffective Disorder who is not doing well and who is in my opinion over medicated by their psychiatrist. As I was describing all I have done post diagnosis (got my Master’s Degree in psychology, work part time, manage a family, write a blog, and travel to name a few things I have accomplished since being diagnosed in 2008) and I felt very lucky that I am able to do so many things. I know about a handful of people I have met through this blog who are somewhat able to live a productive life with this diagnosis but I would love to hear from more, either in the comments or email me and share your successes, please. I want to give her hope and I know there are more of us “lucky ones” out there.
Don’t misunderstand me. I have had my share of difficulties (3 hospitalizations, months of time off on disability, struggles with socialization, although not recently) but have been able to be more productive than not since being diagnosed. Of course what helps too is that my immediate family including my husband of 23 years are patient with me and some of them are a great support especially my adult daughter who is moving out of state in July:( Sure we will facetime but it won’t be the same. I have had several years to prepare for her to depart though and have built a support system outside of her so that I won’t be as disrupted by her move as much. I have an awesome, understanding psychiatrist, an excellent therapist (who I see on an as need basis), friends and my dogs who are there for me every day to help me with my anxiety.
I find I don’t really need to blog anymore as a way to cope, but I enjoy all the emails I get and the people I have met through this blog so will continue to blog my personal recovery from Schizoaffective Disorder.
That being said, I welcome any topic anyone might want me to expand on!
On a side note regarding my sign off with Pax, there is a precious saint I honor every time I write it. Her name is St. Philomena and I ask for her intercession often to help me and my loved ones. I recommend it highly to those who are Catholic or not! Sadly we will not be visiting her tomb when we go to Italy but we are taking a day trip to San Giovanni Rotondo to visit the resting place of Padre Pio a modern day saint I have a special affection for also.