On this feast day I hope all of you have a fantastic day and as I remember the dead especially souls with no one to pray for them I had a haunting dream which is still with me as I write.
It was about my dad, who is a stroke victim and is paralyzed on his left side with cognitive deficits. I dreamed that he was partially doing the things again that he once could, burning his toast which he loved and expecting much of me. It was great but at the end of the dream he was back in the hospital.
And then today I read the saint of the day who happened to be St. Wolfgang who happens to be the saint of stroke victims and those paralyzed. I don’t know how I see this but know I must continue to pray for him and visit him more even if it is a brief visit. In the dream there was also some children whose mother was in the hospital and I helped them to get some toys to make their visit more tolerable as one of them was quite young.
When I visit my dad I not only visit him but have gotten to know many of the workers and other patients who I try to be a bright light for. So not only do I get to see my dad but I get to bless others and they bless me all the more.
I have had many very interesting dreams as of late but this one meant so much and how much I miss my dad as he once was. It is called ambiguous grief as the loved one does not die but continues to live despite the odds and it is the most difficult type of grief.
I used to visit him every day because I needed to, but now I only go once or twice a week. I believe that once I am done with teaching this semester I will go more again and be that bright light for him and so many others! The staff are so wonderful and caring there and they all love my dad!
Making decisions these days is harder than ever but I continue to pray for God’s guidance with so many things that I am unsure of. I also feel that I dodged a bullet after my mom said some unkind things to me and it sent me reeling but I had a visit with my wonderful therapist who is also an aromatherapist and she gave me an inhaler with essential oils which greatly aids with stress and make me feel peaceful and calm for several minutes.
I felt I was relapsing with my Schizophrenia but after the session I spent some time at the Mission down the street because I had taken a full dose of my anti anxiety drug of which it is not safe to drive for a few hours and at the mission I met the most interesting spiritual woman. It is amazing how when we get out there the people God can bless us with!
Hope you all have a safe and Happy Halloween. I am hoping to dress up as a Dodger fan. Quite the hard week to watch them lose the world series but so happy they even made it there and put up a good fight!