A word or a smile is often enough to put fresh life in a despondent soul.”
— St. Therese of Lisieux
You did not disappoint! I was hurting tremendously and asked for some interaction and received not only one but two comments which greatly put fresh life in my despondent soul.
So often I see that you readers are viewing my blogs but when it is quiet I have no idea the impact my blogs have and I am human and suppose I need to know that I am not writing for just me if that makes sense.
I have gone through so much lately as have many of you I know but I feel I am getting stronger every day although my mind is still confused from the stress of trying to work again. I have decided that I am not going down that road again because relapsing and letting down others when I quit the most amazing jobs is too much to bear.
But I have some good news!
My husband is being supportive in his way although he has nary a clue as to how much I suffer because of my disorder~
Reality is subjective for me at times but I look at signs in my life that I am recovering once again.
Here are some of the signs:
I was sleeping in the guest room for about a month but now am back to sleeping with my husband again which makes me feel great about my marriage and I like being with him at night. Even though he doesn’t understand it all he gives me comfort by his presence especially when he is not being critical. He never said a word about my leaving this past job but the past two nights I have helped him with his paperwork and for that he is greatly relieved. It is tedious work but at least I feel productive in helping him. I just turn on my tunes and work away, interacting with him along the way which is an hour or two. We don’t have much in common so I am always looking for new ways we can spend time together even if it is work which profits the budget too.
I’ve developed a much better sleeping schedule, going to bed with my husband and waking up when he wakes up which is what he has been asking for in not so demanding terms.
Every day usually at night, I take a hot bath and relax after for about an hour. This recharges me and brings me much peace.
I am cooking healthy most days but still do eat out which has added some pounds but working on this one. At least I am not indulging in sugar all the time like last week.
I made it to the gym yesterday, first time in a while.
I spend a lot of time with my pups (ok they’re actually 6 but will always be pups to me). I love them especially Butter and she returns the love as animals often do!
I use my essential oils to help me relieve my anxiety, mainly Lavender but Bergamot too. Bought a diffuser and it helps relieve stress.
I spend time with a dear friend frequently so my social life although limited is at least somewhat there. We walk, talk and drink coffee and often her dog is with us who is awesome! Toby loves me too and brings me much joy.
Areas I would like to see improvement are:
I would like to be motivated again to work in the gardens. All my flowers died recently and I have seeds and plans to get some flowers going and keep it up.
I would like to get back to my AA meetings but right now I am sober for 8 months now and have no desire to drink or smoke pot but the meetings right now are just a bit much…
I would like to clean my own house, right now my daughter does it which is fine because she doesn’t pay rent but I have really neglected simple chores like emptying my trash can in my room. It is such a simple thing but I just can’t get to doing it right now.
Also would like to return to confession and church but baby steps.
It is good to make lists to see how far I have come, now going to try to work on them one at a time. Of course would like to do my sociological research papers but right now my brain can’t even wrap around them.
I know i must be gentle with myself especially right now but God has given me so much desire to do more than I am doing right now…
I see my new therapist this evening and have hopes to form a lasting therapist relationship. Good news is that it is in my town so won’t have to travel far and cost is modest.
Well that’s enough for one post don’t you think?