At peace in a balanced way…

Dear readers,

And just in time for the filming of the video tomorrow…

Earlier I felt my nerves a little but my support team calmed me down and now I am at peace and had a very good productive day after a long week of appointments, er visit for my mom, and life…

I wrote a little tonight in my God journal which is aptly titled “Ask and you shall receive”. I read what I wrote a little over a week ago, “Help me God, help me God, help me God”. And He promptly did. God is so amazing.

I do not think of God though all the time like I have in the past even in recovery. I am busy living life and at times my attention is on my family, friends or strangers. I almost always try to do the right thing though, because that is what I believe God wants for us to be in His will, which is doing the right thing. I am not perfect though as none of us are except Jesus and Mary so I am not too hard on myself when I fail which is every day.

I now see my failings as an opportunity to grow in God’s guidance and as I learn more and more about myself I am beginning to feel much more like a person without a disorder.

I had a really good talk with my adult daughter yesterday and she has certainly had her struggles this past year but through therapy she is doing much better now. At one point she was diagnosed with Bipolar II but I am not so sure, if she is it is mild. But she shared something profound with me that helped me today. She shared how her therapist has been working with her on having more of a steady mood rather than the constant highs and lows. I have noticed a difference in her and am so glad that at this point she does not need meds.

My official diagnosis was Schizophrenia but it now has been fine-tuned to Schizoaffective Disorder with bipolar tendencies and OCD. The Schizophrenia is always there and my moods certainly have had their ups and downs but I have been on an even keel as of late thanks to my therapist who is helping me to sort through my delusions and black and white thinking. I am truly blessed to have a therapist I trust and a psychiatrist as well.

So I am off to bed shortly to get a good night’s sleep for the filming tomorrow. It is the first time I have shared my story openly like this so am excited to give others hope that having this disorder is not the end of the world. At times it may feel like it but those times pass and with the help of meds and an awesome support team I am stronger and less disordered and that is how I intend to remain.

Good diet, exercise, supplements and maintaining my closest relationships through thoughtfulness, care and compassion when they don’t get me and sometimes when they do, all helps me to be the best me, someone I am proud to say that I am in recovery and doing well. Despite the fact I can’t work, just keeping up with a house and gardens is a full time job!

Have a great weekend! I will share the link to the video if I can when it is done.

God bless!

Pax

Victoria

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