Back to the basics, goal to blog more…

Dear readers,

I haven’t been blogging much these days because I have been doing so well mentally thanks to full spectrum cbd oil.  Been somewhat productive, been praying, been taking each moment for what it is, been helping my folks…

Yet today I am disgusted with my weight and don’t have motivation to do anything about it.  I crave high calorie foods and due to injuries haven’t been exercising like I want to.  Also lack of motivation on my part.

It is beautiful outside and I want to walk but yet here I sit blogging.  It is supposed to be hot again today and If I don’t walk now I may not do it due to the heat.

I am listening to Elvis Presley gospel music and speaks to my soul.

Negative thoughts pervade my very being.  You are fat, you are a failure, you suck.  I know I must change my mindset but it is hard when I am so overweight and addicted to vaping nicotine.

Good news though is that I am now sober once again.  I went to an AA meeting last night after an awesome dinner with my hubbie.  It was depressing:(  I have been going to meetings for ten years and I don’t feel like I get very much out of them.  Is this the disease at work and at play?  I wonder as I type…

I reconnected with an old best friend and it was great. We got sober at the same time 5 years ago but I needed to do more research and the results are in, I am an alcoholic for sure.  I cannot drink or smoke pot like ordinary people.  I start to obsess and it just isn’t good for my mental health.

So I will reach out to Jesus, He’s reaching out to me and you.  Jesus please help!

Glad my fractured mind is doing so well.  I don’t work and that is great.  My husband got a promotion but I also spent a lot last month that he doesn’t know about.  Oops!  Addiction follows me at many levels.

I quit with my therapist as I don’t feel like it was beneficial.

If I could just get control of my eating and exercise I will be one happy gal.  I know it all starts with one step but that first step is the hardest to take. …

I will not give up on my diet and exercise.  One of the medications I am causes this desire for high fat food.  I can blame it on that I guess but am sick of spending money on programs to lose weight.

Sorry I I’m rambling but it feels good to get these thoughts out there into the universe.  if these are the least of my concerns I am doing pretty darn well.

I have said before that I would rather be fat and mentally fit than skinny and mentally unwell.  So that is a start but I won’t give up on the weight loss.

Now that I am sober again I can make a plan and if I fall short at least I have started.

PRay all of you are doing well.

If anyone has success at losing weight on Risperdal and keeping it off please let me know.  I would appreciate any tips.

You can email me at victoriamariealonso@yahoo.com

or leave a comment if that is easier.

God bless and keep you all!

Pax

Victoria

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