The Reason I started this blog…

Second blog today, I know, but here I am all alone, without a care in the world except which Christmas movie I will watch next.

Oh, I have family and loved ones who love me too. I am fortunate for that and spent last night and most of today with them but felt compelled to reach out to my readers, old and new, to try to explain why I maintain this blog since 2013.

I want to help others who share this same affliction, Schizophrenia or Schizoaffective Disorder rather and their loved ones. I want to give hope to all and to help the world better understand people like me who suffer with this dastard disorder and provide this “hope” so that they or you all, too, can live normal lives and not be scared and even if you are alone too but to feel some connection with others like you.

This blog has had a steady flow of visitors and views the past couple of weeks which is awesome. I don’t know your stories, I only share mine with its ups and downs and my free pass right now to good mental health. I am fortunate for I have an excellent psychiatrist and awesome support at many levels.

I urge you all to continue this fight and never give up. Yes I want you to Have it all as Jason Mraz sings so freely. May the best of your todays be the worst of your tomorrows. All you can imagine. If you believe it anything can happen. You, too, can have it all.

Keep up the fight and don’t stop believing in yourself above all. Don’t stop trying to find the right medication and when you find the right cocktail as I have found after ten years, don’t stop taking it even if you feel somewhat normal again. Find a good therapist you trust and build your support team. Stick with positive people and never give in to suicidal thoughts no matter how bad you feel. It will get better if you just keep trying to manage yours or your loved ones disorder. Believe and believe me that God wants the best for you no matter your color, size, sexual preference or religion or anything else which may seemingly separate us from each other!

May God bless and keep you all.

Email me anytime especially if you are alone this holiday season. I am on bedrest again due to my hospitalizations and would like nothing better to do than receive and answer a few emails no matter your circumstances or where you live!

at: victoriamariealonso@yahoo.com

Pax

Victoria

What are some of the benefits of having Schizophrenia?

To all,

Today is a new day and I have much to be grateful for.

When I received the gift of Schizophrenia later fine-tuned to Schizoaffective Disorder I thought my world was ending, but now I realize on the other side of my diagnosis that it was only the beginning.

There are many disadvantages of being afflicted with this, too many to list but there are benefits as well which I would like to share today.

I don’t have to work. I can spend my days in prayer for my loved ones, my neighbors, and for those who have no one to pray for them. I don’t spend the whole day in prayer but I do pray a few decades of the rosary for the previously mentioned and kick back in peace and trust God to do the rest.

Now that I am doing better once again and that I don’t have to work another benefit is the support I receive from my loved ones and the occasional compassionate person who I share with my diagnosis. It used to be just my daughter but now it is my husband (may God bless his soul) and people like the kind nurse Stephanie I met while I was in the hospital. I gave her my website as she was interested in my story and if she is reading this I just want to thank her for being so kind and non judgmental with my diagnosis and being sensitive to my needs while being in the hospital. It’s people like that that don’t make me hate my disorder.

Along with this same breath is the wonderful readers who read this and say a prayer or send an email or comment that brightens my day. I am praying for each and every one of you as well as we journey together. Where there is suffering there is much joy and now that I have accepted the fact that I can’t work, I can refocus my efforts on my house and hopefully after I recovery from my surgery and hospitalizations for my gallbladder I will get back to gardening which I very much enjoy!

So life is good once again! And I thank God especially for carrying me through the dark times as I continue to recover from this disorder. If you are new to this blog you can read about my gift of schizophrenia here. https://schizophreniarecovery.us/the-gift/

May God bless each of you all as we continue on this journey together, the road to recovery from Schizophrenia. Praying especially for an awesome new year 2019. So much to be grateful for really.

Pax

Victoria

The agony is real….

Whatever one can imagine to be the darkest place and then to come into the Cross as the only place that makes sense.

I am again at a crossroads in my recovery.  Trying to quit smoking, made it half the day ha ha progress or defeat the next few days will tell.  Was vaping but some lady approached me and told me they had just buried her friend’s son who had died from vaping.  So sad.  I threw it all away in trashcans where they will be discarded not searched through.

Trying out the patch.  It definitely helps but took it off today because I wanted to go in the pool and sauna at my gym.  Didn’t make it after all because of the smoking.

Trying to learn from  my mistakes.  It’s simple, don’t pick up the first one duh!

But for this 50 year old sometimes crazy Schizophrenia survivor the fight is real.

#lovingJesus

#heistheway

Pax

Victoria

Stressors and how I cope having a mental disorder…

  1. Money, although there always is some but yet wham, the unexpected or balloon payment is due like say for your taxes.  Mine are due in October.  Think of something else.  Don’t spend a dime.  Save if one can, even pennies add up to dollars.  I have definitely gotten better at saving this year.  I stopped shopping for everything on Amazon and am being more frugal about going to the store for every little item.  My husband was supposed to take over the bills because of my disorder but it hasn’t happened and never will probably.

I don’t work so I have more time to find coupons and deals when we do spend.  He makes a decent income so if I am careful I can really tuck some money away if I’m careful.

I know I am blessed.  I can’t imagine being single and having to rely on my disability income which I get $1,000 a month.

2. Sickness and getting older.  I am not as fit as I used to be but am getting back on track.  But I have been dealing for the past two weeks with a new medical problem surrounding digestive issues and am really trying to avoid going to the doctor right now because of lack of insurance (see #3) at least until October 1.

To combat this stress I try to eat healthy all the time with the occasional goodie.  I also am now exercising 4x a week on average.  I am gardening, walking and doing yoga throughout the week.  This helps my getting in better shape and also helps mental alertness and health.  Today was a rest day and all I wanted to do was to rest but I am in the middle of several projects around the house and rose garden so it was actually harder than I thought it would be to take a day off but my body needed the rest.  So back at it tomorrow!

Although this can stress me out a lot I am learning that the key to my happiness is acceptance.

Now i am much more motivated to do the healthy things that I am doing.  Which in the past it has really been problematic to just sit all day and do nothing, now I do rest in the mornings but do get busier later in the day.  So it is good that I am treating my body better because I have really been sick a lot and it has caused me to make sure I do all I can to be healthy.

I might go to the doctor this week.  We shall see how things go but this relates to #1 the money stress with doctor bills and testing they might want to do.

3.  My parents.  I accept they will not always be around but my dad is paralyzed on his left half of his body and my mom is a fighter but is still very frail yet tough as a bird!

How I combat this stress is by spending as much time with them as I can and appreciating every moment.

4.  Kids and husband.  Kids is easy to combat.  All the work I put in when they were growing up has paid off and although I might not agree with all their decisions I am very proud of the 3 of them.  Interestingly enough, my disorder did not kick in until I was 38 and I was only lost to the world for a year of being psychotic.  Husband is one of my kids ha ha so ditto for him.

I also stress over the unexpected busy day, making sure I take all my meds, doing all I can for my family and friends even when an interruption comes at an inconvenient time.  I used to turn off my phone, which I still do, but I do take calls when I can as needed to be a good friend!

Well that is the main stuff.  What are some things that stress you out and how do you cope?  Comment below or email me at victoriamariealonso@yahoo.com.

Bless you all!  Of  course I pray a lot too and try to trust what God is doing.  But it isn’t always easy to do.

pax

Victoria

update

Dear readers,

I don’t blog much these days but life has been crazy.

I am learning what works for me, what motivates me and how to deal with some difficult emotions found around those I love, tears, smiles and a lot more. But for the most part I am doing really well despite this difficult diagnosis.

Some of the things I do to stay well is to every day do the following:

Deep breaths

prayer

read my bible

self care

garden (ok not every day)

Keep my house up

take care of my doggies

take care of the bills, taxes, cars, houses and paperwork

read inspirational books and articles or watch Tedtalks

exercise several times a week (yoga, walking, cleaning house, and going to start interval running.

and last but not least I listen to inspirational music mainly Jason Mraz (ok I am obsessed with him and his music ha ha)

Life is pretty good right now except for some minor anxiety. I also take a few supplements NAC, CBD oil full spectrum (because of taking this oil I am no longer delusional) and magnesium. I also take my anti-psychotic meds every day no matter how I feel.

I don’t feel the need to blog as much as I used to because the delusions are gone. Come to find out the book I wrote I was delusional while writing it. When I reread it (which is rare) I find that I don’t remember even writing it. I remember my delusions and although I am free of them it’s nice to be free!

Hope all of you are doing well!

Prayers,

pax

Victoria

Have it all…

God wants us to have it all!  Heaven, peace, wellness, all that is good and pure.  All that is evil will melt away.  So be it amen.

in heaven there will be no suffering especially the mentally disordered.  Although we do suffer now.  I’m starting to think that mental illness is evil, deceptive, misunderstood and the source of much decisiveness.

Don’t know how to change this except to blog about it.

I have a mental disorder, Schizophrenia/schizoaffective disorder.  I am recovered mostly except for some anxiety.

I have fought hard since 2006 to be recovered and God has allowed it through His grace and greatness.

Pax

Victoria

I am a servant of God first…

and foremost, for it is in serving my parents in their old age although my mom is still spry when needed.  it is in serving them that I serve God.  It is my duty but I enjoy it too much at times as it makes one realize how precious time is, death is always possible although prolonged as is the case of my father.  He is still lucid at times, with it mostly but doesn’t understand that he is paralyzed.

 

Can’t write anymore, too much pain and sadnesss…

pax Victoria

how have i accomplished so much being mentally disordered?

I read my bible and watch for God to speak to me through his many passages.  Today was 1 Corinthians.

I also take care of me, take my meds, keep connected with family and loved ones, keep up my house and bills, take care of the pups which is fun!  and take time for me to sometimes get away (went to Joshua Tree this last weekend with my daughter), sometimes to stay at home and often to run around this city and others, finding new things to do and making sure that i always have my physical needs taken care of.

I do have my vices coffee etc… but i make time for what is important, my mental health.  Tuesday I drove an hour each way to pick up samples of my meds which would have been 4,000$ if I had to pick them up at the pharmacy because I am cash pay right now.

Saving money has become my new passion from quarters and dimes to dollars to hundreds.  My husband got a new position and I am happy to say that he is doing very well.  He’s not happy with all of it though but is managing the stress of a new position with ease.

And last but not least I plan, not every second of my day but I decided to fix up my meditation room and painted it green with a tree on the wall.  Very zen with my Catholic crucifixes and my favorite statue of Mary the mother of God.

It’s quite lovely and i spend a lot of time in there.  No computer but I do use my phone to listen to music and research my next project which right now is renovating the rose garden.

those are some of the ways I live in recovery.  mental health is good right now with a little bit of anxiety.  but not psychotic or delusional about things although God still does talk to me through events by leading along this path we call life.

Pax

Victoria

 

I am a survivor…

Ever since being diagnosed with schizophrenia/schizoaffective disorder in Jan of 2008 I have had to fight.  And fighting I will still do, because despite the many valleys and mountains and deserts I have had an indomitable spirit and i know it comes from God.

Who is, was and is to come

Revelations 1

I shall proclaim His Resurrection as the women did and say that Jesus lives and reigns now and forever amen.

Pax

Victoria

 

Still looking up…

I’m still looking up to God and His infinite power and wisdom which I have been lacking lately.

Been a rough week with some definite psychotic symptoms yesterday but doing better today.

Stress will do that so today I am keeping myself busy by gardening and cooking some yummy meals.

Hope you all are well!

Pax

Victoria