It’s funny how much more I suffer when I have time to think about it.
Yesterday was a perfect example~ I awoke with many plans for the day but didn’t feel like doing any of it.
I had a birthday lunch scheduled with a dear friend, who has been there for me as I have also been for her too. We share many similarities and differences and it is awesome that God has allowed this friendship to continue. I went even though I didn’t feel like it and was truly blessed.
I am fortunate that I can get out of my house and do things that are hard to do to start with and then once I get out I am blessed to have great conversations that are not only meaningful but that also bless the Lord…
After our lunch I went to the extended care to visit my parents and the timing was perfect. I felt the Holy Spirit guiding me fully as I went back and forth between my parents as they are in different wings and was truly blessed to be with them both and also got to see one caregiver who has become very close to my heart through the years I have known her through visiting my dear father. I also had a chance to meet with a few of the residents who have also become dear to me. It truly blesses me to hear how much they love my father as he was and is such a great man. Words cannot express enough how blessed I was to hear that other people love him too even in his diminished state of mind. I love just holding his hand and kissing him and making sure he is comfortable.
When I was suicidal a year ago and was hospitalized I would go to see my dad every day because it really helped me out a lot to see him. Then I got better and it became hard to visit him so much. It was like as I got better I needed him less and it was painful to no longer have him as the dad I knew 3 years ago before his strokes.
Well now that my mom is there too I get to go almost every day again and once again I am truly blessed to be able to spend time with both of them.
That is not to say I am not suffering, but it gives me something constructive to do and for that I am truly grateful to God and the saints who intercede on our behalf all our worries, sadness and joy.
I have a lot going on right now and feel I may be taking a break from blogging again at least as much. But who knows how the Spirit will lead. I not only have Boston for the bloggers of Schizophrenia to get ready for of which I found out I will be compensated for my time but also have an opportunity to be featured in a vlog which will touch on not only living with Schizophrenia but also stigmatizing which I have shared I have experienced recently. It will be end of February/early March and I am excited about this opportunity as well. I have really wanted to fight stigmatization after experiencing it in full force recently which leaves me feeling helpless and very affected.
I also have been recently challenged about my Catholic Faith. I am open to discussions about my faith when there is a two way street not just an attack of some sort. This has been very hard too but I am on the other side now and am appreciating that I have my faith to turn to in all my sadness and almost despair about my current situation with my folks.
Lastly, I found out that my son who is getting married in April in Hawaii will be planning for him and his soon to be bride to start having children on their honeymoon. I am elated over this and the fact I might be a grandma some time next year!
So though the sadness there is much to be joyful for and for that I am eternally grateful to God!!!
Praying for all of you that you have happy productive days. And if I do take a break from blogging know it will be short and that I remain faithfully praying for you all!
Love and blessings,