It has been quite the ride again, relapsing back into delusional thinking of which I have never talked about my delusions in depth due to its confusion and stress it causes me. But things went well yesterday with my new therapist who specializes in psychotic disorders which I will get to in a minute…
For the past few months, my delusions were much lessened due to taking CBD oil by GOTERPY to a great degree until the recent stressful situation where I resigned form my teaching job and am once again unsure of what the future holds caused a relapse back into delusional thinking that was causing me much stress and angst.
Yesterday I met with my new therapist and it was very hard! I thought if I talked about it it may help but it did the opposite but it turned out alright because although he couldn’t see my leg going a mile a minute while talking about the delusions I relayed to him my distress and he asked what would help and i said taking my anti-anxiety medication which I took a break and did. He then switched gears and invited me to talk about my strengths and goals, which I did and it helped to back off what made me uncomfortable.
The thing about delusions is that they are so confusing for me and in the end only time will tell really. So to talk about them only causes stress so I have decided to share them with him as an outlet for getting it out there but that I am going to stop ftrying to figure them out anymore but rather focus on the negative symptoms of my disorder and also if I will write for a living or just help my husband with his work and earn my disability and write according to my whim rather than as a deadline.
I want to have goals today as of right now I have lots of ideas but not much motivation to get going. So far I have taken my meds, eaten breakfast while watching my fave show, fed the dogs, filled up my diffuser with lavender and bergamot and am now blogging.
So often the only way I feel like I am doing better is if I accomplish things. This week has not been a week where that happened but it is understandable with all that has occurred. I know I need to be more gentle with myself through this rough time but there is so much that needs to get done, weeding, housework, get some walking in and get to my writing which probably won’t happen today.
Thinking about driving up the coast to pick up some apples from a farm to make my eldest son apple cobbler for his birthday next week and maybe just maybe do the Bob Jones Trail which is six miles of steady flat walking. But praying about it so we shall see.
Ah, what a hard week. Stress does this to me so I know that I will not work outside the home again except for maybe writing at leisure. Time will tell.
I do praise Him who made heaven and earth and am grateful in a sense to not be teaching as it was a lot of work for a pittance of pay.
God bless you all!