Depressed and a prayer…

Dear readers,

I am forcing myself to blog today. Depression is overwhelming me.

But I am not giving up! Not suicidal happy to report because that would suck even more.

Just not motivated to do anything productive.

The sad part is that today is my 27th marriage anniversary and I am going to have to fake it over dinner. We have a good strong marriage despite our failings, but far from being in a celebratory mood. I put up twinkling lights in our home and got my hair styled and plan to get all gussied up for our night out at dinner…

Haven’t shared this with my hubby and spent money today that we don’t have.

Sorry this is a down post but I promised to share the good, bad and ugly and I feel all three right now. Good that my marriage is strong and that he provides me more support than i feel I deserve, bad that I feel like life is so bleak right now and I feel fat and not necessarily ugly but don’t feel pretty.

Listening to sad music today but will perk it up when my hubby gets home.

When we are depressed we are drawn to sad music me thinks.

But I did call my psychiatrist today to get in to see him about changing my anti-depressant meds as I have been on the same one for ten years so maybe it stopped working?

Trying to reward myself for getting little things done but all I want is sugar and fat, so must come up with some new rewards that don’t involve that.

Smelling my aromatherapy, lavender and bergamot, which helps but overwhelmed by these feelings of sadness and depression.

Must try to lighten my mood now so will leave this blog with a prayer.

Dear God,

I am sad and depressed right now but believe in your goodness for all including me. Please help my doctor and all our doctors figure out the best medication to be on today and every day. I love you God. I adore, hope in you and love you and I beg pardon for those who do not love, adore, and hope in you. For what else is there if we don’t???

Pax

Victoria

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