Depression setting in…

To all,

With Schizoaffective Disorder, one of the aspects I don’t talk about much is the depression involved. Today I can feel it even though I exercised, ate healthy but a lot and used all my tools. But here I sit at my computer, listening to my fave musician Jason Mraz and have tucked away much tv under my belt. But I also did a few things so that’s swell.

I have lots of ideas of what I want to do but most of it doesn’t come to fruition. Plus I am still recovering from my recent hospitalizations and it is very cold outside for our area.

I also suffer from bipolar tendencies, and lately have had lots of highs and lows but again not sure if it is the healing that is going on in my body physically or if it’s mental.

Tomorrow I see my therapist and will try to get to the bottom of this.

But I feel useless. I don’t go out much, not at all today, even to get the mail. But I did twenty minutes on my new stationary bike, helped my husband a bit with invoices and kept up with the dishes until dinner which my husband cooked. He is still being supportive but I wonder how long it will last. Trying not to be too pessimistic.

Honestly, I have a great life but being depressed means that I can’t enjoy it.

I have lots of goals for the new year which I am trying to implement now but not much follow through to get things done. My daughter cleans the house as a form of rent, so I don’t have to do that, because seriously it just wouldn’t get done.

I had a very productive day yesterday though so maybe I need to be gentle with myself and give myself a break. It seems like I will have one good day where I get lots done and then the next barely anything. Balance has always been hard for me…

Anyway, I do have two appointments tomorrow so I will be getting out of the house so that’s good I suppose.

Sorry to be a downer but I promised to share my ups and downs and right now I am down but still not giving up. Not suicidal just want to go to bed early again…

Pax

Victoria

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