Yes and no. Some days are still hard for me but other days are wonderful. I think it may be mind over matter. I prayed to be able to suffer for God and was given the gift of Schizophrenia and much suffering ensued. I lift up all my suffering for those who suffer as well not only with this disorder but also for those impoverished, ignored, unstable for any reason and especially those who have no one to pray for them.
I believe God hears my prayers and although there are days I wish I didn’t pray that prayer, today is not one of them.
I am developing new habits and accomplishing much, spiritual, physical and mental. I read a book recently (can’t remember the title) and it was about how to change your life through habits.
Every day we have a thousand decisions to make and every day we waste time and energy on these decisions. Well the key to success for me is to no longer make these decisions but to have them made for me as habits.
Getting into the habit of reading my bible, praying my rosary, doing my workouts, cleaning my house and space clearing my junk or treasures to someone else that they may help along this road we call life.
Today I woke up early and was going to go back to bed but then I got busy taking care of the mundane and no longer felt the need to go back to bed.
So to answer my original posted question. Not so much anymore today. Because I am so much more than my disorder. I am who God made me to be and although I have been on a new spiritual journey these past 12 hours have realized that I already know the meaning to life. I don’t have to seek out a spiritual guide because the answer is Jesus, Jesus, Jesus. He is the way, the truth and the light of the world. And although He allows our suffering to exist although sometimes we get stuck all of our suffering is for a purpose and all we have to do is ask Him into our hearts and He will enter.
Our God is a kind benevolent God who will not dare to impose himself on us unless we are Paul of Taurus. He comes in when we ask, and all we have to do is ask. Jesus suffered so much as did His mother. Was it for naught? I know it is not so. His redemptive grace is just that, it saves us and we can walk in the light if we choose to or continue on in the darkness due to our selfish ways.
All we have to do is ask the Holy Spirit to guide us in our days and He will lead us to places beyond our imaginations. And as people with Schizophrenia/Schizoaffective Disorder our imaginations are pretty awesome and vast.
I am blessed to be a child of God and need nothing more in my life. Possessions don’t possess me. Although I have my many comforts in life I am starting to realize that I don’t even need them anymore. But they are there when I need them.