Dually diagnosed…

Dear readers,

Well here I am at day one again being sober and clean.  I have chased that high and I had an epiphany yesterday that I don’t want to be high or buzzed and I know it is not what God wants for me.

So back to AA for this gal with Schizophrenia/Schizoaffective Disorder.  I must do my part and start working a solid program again.

This last relapse has been hard for several reasons.  I got an injection of morphine at the hospital a month ago and loved it… it led to drinking a little and then trying thc again all in moderation but it is just not where i want to be.  I want to be sober for me, my family and especially my future grandchildren one day.

I know how to live sober but for some reason I get a year or two and then I fall.  Addiction is a part of my life and I am trying to get addicted to healthy things like yoga, meditation and walking along with eating healthy and keeping up with the house and cooking.

Using brings feelings of shame and guilt and I no longer want a part of this sick cycle that only leads me down dangerous roads.

I missed the last two appointments for my psychiatrist because I was sick both days.  This is not good!  I see my therapist this week but my sponsor is gone for nine long days so can’t wait till she gets back and we can start meeting regularly again.

For now I am just vaping nicotine.  I hate this addiction as well but it is all I have and it works.

Mentally I am great though.  No symptoms of this disorder right now which is great.  And lesson learned.  I need to be sober and clean to make this life work so sober it is once again.

Pray all of you are doing well.

Blessings,

Pax

Victoria

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