Humble pie…

Dear readers,

I am humbled once again due to my Schizophrenia/Schizoaffective Disorder. Having this condition is greatly affected by stress and right now with my mom being in the hospital is deeply impacting me. I couldn’t even pray yesterday and that says a lot.

But I won’t give up, no I know I will come out on top because I believe in God, The Father Almighty who made Heaven and Earth. And He made me and you all and in His creatures He lives and His glory will shine and does shine upon us.

I can’t work but I do a lot for my family and friends and I blog. I blog for me and to help others and to shed some light on this dastard disorder which causes much confusion and sadness.

I prayed to be able to suffer for God and He gave me the gift of Schizophrenia eleven years ago. You can read about the gift here. I got my Masters in Psychology post diagnosis and although I don’t use it to work I do use it in my dealings with friends and family. I know the mind can be a tricky things and although my mind is fractured and I do still suffer from delusions off and on I know I have enough of a brain to know what I need to do next to get me through the rough times.

I am blessed because my husband makes enough money to enable me to not work and although he may be making less money due to changing jobs I believe God will still take care of us. He always does.

I am situation-ally depressed due to my mom but have had some great days of walking and praying and blogging. I was on top of the world when my mom was finally admitted to the hospital and then when she hasn’t gotten better I have let myself go once again to that dark place.

But I know I must never give up and that I must do certain things to prevent another day like yesterday. I must get up and move and not sit all day at my computer. Today I am getting out with a friend and will hopefully go visit my mom and dad. I will go through the motions of getting things done even though all I want to do is get back in bed and basically fake it till I make it. I know what needs to be done and I am willing to do it because I will not just sit here and feel sorry for myself anymore…

Bless you all for your prayers. Even in the darkness I can feel the love of God through all your prayers and they are returned.

I won’t give up!

Pax

Victoria

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