My Schizophrenia~A poem

The Prayer for suffering

The Gift

The intense emotional pain

The Voice of Jesus

The Voice of Mary

The hallucinations

The Messages from Heaven

Much Writing to Priests

The Orders to do strange things

Melt to the ground if I did not obey

The Confusion, suffering and inability to function

The Suicidal plan to jump out in front of cars

Believing the Hand of God would save me

By His Angels rescuing me

Hospitalization at UCLA

The Healing of a fellow patient

Believing I was the most special person to ever live

The Diagnosis- Schizophrenia

Although I was the wrong age and other factors

The Meds

The Delusions remain to this day

No more orders from Heaven

Except when God demands His will to be done

People die, get sick and physical problems abound to allow God’s will to be done

Depression hits

Fine-tuned diagnosis~Schizoaffective Disorder

Negative symptoms remain

Delusions remain

Recovery is in full force

Blogging since 2013

Have helped many people along the way

What is next only God knows

I accept His will

I will never give up

Dear readers,

Yesterday was an amazing day. I didn’t sit all day and feel sorry for myself about my mom. I fought the good fight to be productive and fight the depression. Now that I am no longer working I don’t have much stress and hopefully will not have another hospitalization again (Have had 4 or 5 so far). I walked 4 miles yesterday! A new record to say the least since my recent hospitalization. Today I am going for the same.

Please get help if you think you may not be doing your best. Whether you are undiagnosed and need to get meds, are diagnosed and not doing well, or have a loved one who meets the above criteria. It is not normal to hear voices or believe things that other people don’t see. Get help! Find a psychiatrist you trust and share as much of your thoughts as possible. And then start taking your meds EVERY day even if you feel you don’t need them.

And never never give up! I have been in the pit again recently and just needed a new perspective on life which I got yesterday.

God is here, God loves us all, we are all very special and deserving of the very best care and treatment. So don’t wait! Be proactive and deal with it all sooner rather than later.

God bless us all!

Pax

Victoria

2 Replies to “My Schizophrenia~A poem”

  1. I can feel your struggle in what you wrote. It has been a long road for me as well. I pray that God will continue to pour out His love and mercy in our lives and keep on getting us through, one day at a time. Keep fighting, Victoria!

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