Some days are just going to be hard, others easy…

Dear readers,

To me it isn’t about mindset, it’s mental state and there is a subtle difference.

Yesterday was hard and I have an idea why, but I got through it and at the end of the day it was a good day.  Skipped dessert at Thanksgiving and glad for that because sugar does not help me when I am struggling.

Today has been a more productive day because I was forced to get up and get going and I have accomplished much but why is it I only feel good about myself when I get things done? Probably because the days I don’t get much done are days when my mental state is not good and when I am forced by situations things seem to go much better.

I can have the mindset that I’m going to be productive that day but lay around in my jammies and sit at the computer and just veg.  That is not healthy and does not do good for my overall mental health.

Yesterday, I took a nap at 11, probably because I ate like crap the night before and also in the am.  When I eat like crap, I feel like crap and I gain more weight.  I am the heaviest right now than I have ever been except when I was pregnant but have no motivation to do anything about it.  So I should learn from this but my medicine, as it has been explained to me, causes me to crave unhealthy food, but when I get in the right pattern of eating more fruits and veggies, protein, less sugar and fiber I feel great.  It’s the getting there that is hard, to care…

What we feed our bodies and souls has a great effect on our mental state.  I am on the way to the store right now and plan to load up with healthy food I can cook at home and oh yeah for some brownie mix my son requested.  I know I’ll eat some but if I eat the healthy stuff first, I won’t feel terrible.

The same is true for what I feed my brain in the way of reading uplifting books, blogs and articles.  It is one of the reasons why I stay off Facebook because there isn’t much mental stimulation on there although I have found one group on psychology, sociology, philosophy and religion that sometimes has stimulating conversation.

The main thing about having this disorder is that I keep myself engaged with what I love, to learn, read and write.  Today I wrote my first of three articles on sociology of the family that my daughter is going to edit.  It was the first time I have been able to write since my relapse of schizophrenia.  I think it is pretty good but my daughter I know will be honest with me without hurting my feelings.  I just want to share everything I have learned about raising children pre-diagnosis and post.  I have made many mistakes and in hindsight it is all clear but I’m human and nobody said it would be easy or this hard…

Pax

Victoria

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