You are loved as am I…

Happy New Year 2019 to all my readers old, new and in between!

It’s the eve of the New Year’s and I am of course listening to my favorite songs, When we die which sings how much we are loved and Rescue by Jason Mraz… His music fills me with so much peace and love that I just wanted to share it with you all.

And you are loved, all of you, by of utmost importance God, The Divine, and me and I’m sure hopefully you all have had people now, in the past and in the New Year who not only love you but care for you deeply, even if you haven’t spoken to them for a while or if they haven’t told you in a while.

I recently completed my 8th step with my sponsor 9who I have had for five years now) and she had me do it in a very unique way that has proved helpful when I am feeling unloved and that no one cares.

She had me make a list of all the people in my life who love me and list the ways that I know. Interesting but very helpful when I am ignored or cast aside for whatever reason. I read it yesterday because I wasn’t feeling well. I actually spent 5 hours in ER on Saturday because my legs, especially my left one were swelling and I felt weak and fatigued. How elated I was when Dr. Cody from ER pronounced that it was nothing serious and I didn’t have to have my third hospital stay this month. I had peripheral edema but don’t know why so I am taking a water pill for a couple of days and seeing my regular nurse practitioner next Monday to follow up.

So yesterday I was feeling low energy due to the ER visit, my condition and I woke up at 5 am (long story) and had gone to bed at midnight. So I hadn’t heard from anyone that day so what do I do? I start feeling sorry for myself and then I remembered my list and even got to add to it! And it really helped my emotional state.

On Saturday before ER, my husband and I went to the beach to hang out and spend a little time before his best friend from LA arrived for four days. We were walking and I grabbed his hand knowing it isn’t his favorite thing to do. So I asked him something like, “do you like holding my hand?” and he answered, “you know I don’t like holding hands” so I went to let go to respect him and he clung to my hand in a very gentle but meaningful way. If that isn’t love I don’t know what it is. He wasn’t happy I had to go to ER naturally because it cut our fun short but he knew it was better to get my legs checked out after all the problems this month.

And if that wasn’t awesome enough us holding hands for a long time, the ER visit was free because I met my deductible which isn’t great but at least the visit was free and I got a clean bill of health to enjoy the New Year’s holidays with my son. He and I are watching the original Pirates of the Caribbean, which we both love, to bring in the New Year’s.

If you are hurting right now I urge you to make a list of every kind deed shown to you, whether it be a stranger or family or friend and look at it often. I have the list on my phone which is beneficial because it is never far away…

God bless you all!

Pax

Victoria

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